Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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