she kept yelling 'call me bella'
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
