shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
