Having a random hookup so left but love u
I am puke
that's an acceptable place to lick
he thought i was a dude.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
