so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
