genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i drank out of a bidet.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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