and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
