my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
