dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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