Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
