You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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