Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
