So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pants are for mortals
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
