When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
