We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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