Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
