ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
