i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
