Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
