when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
40s are totally the cure
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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