This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
