Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
