What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Sober January is a disaster.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
