im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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