what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
