He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
