2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
