all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
