This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
