Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
