Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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