Only a mothe r could love this liver
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
