She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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