and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
