Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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