Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my being single is dangerous.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
