Girls should come with a carfax report
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
