so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
