its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
