Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
