Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
