i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
