We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
