So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
