even my farts smell like vagina
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
cat food counts as protein by the way
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
