I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
