An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
