my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
