i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We had to coat check the pizza.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
