i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Found the puke drawer
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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