well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
