You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
