Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
two words...techno handjob
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
