Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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