I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
