There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
