I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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