What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
40s are totally the cure
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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